Life Goals

For the very near future*:

• Stop being so complacent and start aiming for the stars, the worst thing you can hear is 'no' & that isn't the end of the world.
• Give the blog a spruce and try learning the in's and out's of Blogger. There has to be more!
• Make some solid decisions about what you want to do. Dancing around the bush waiting for things to pop out isn't you. 
• Finish reading A Dance with Dragons...it's been over a year. Ignore the other books for a while!
• Book in for your first tattoo!
• Then finish designing the second...!

 Toodles!

*Notes to myself.

x

Letters to Friends #2

 [Source: Pinterest]

Dear Friend,

It has been some years since we have probably referred to one another as friends. I know I was to blame for that, it's probably one of the most regretful things I have done in my life.

I was 16, young and really, really didn't have a clue in life. I'm not trying to excuse what I did by age, but I didn't know how to deal with a heartbroken boy who used to vent all of his frustrations to me about you. I thought tough love may be the answer, because that is how I used to best deal with my situations. It backfired majorly, unfortunately for me, because I lost you.

I am sorry for the things that I said and the way that I did it. I have said this to you previously, but I suppose it must have fell upon deaf ears, for which I don't blame you.

It would take me a long time to get over the hurt if the shoe was on the other foot, I completely sympathise. 

We have spoken that once, do you remember it? The first time I saw your beautiful little girl. I'm not sure you would remember it, but when you looked at me like a stranger, that is when it all hit home for me.

I had tried to take a non-nonchalant approach and pretend that I didn't really mind that you weren't around in my life anymore. I think I just didn't have the guts to admit to myself, or anyone, that it was me that caused it.

I really do miss you, I still think about you when little things remind me of you or I'm reminiscing about all of the times we spent together. I was recently thinking about the time we were scared about the panther being on the loose even though it was miles away from where we lived and I convinced both myself and you that I spotted it on the housing estate near your house.

Those memories still make me smile, I'm glad I have them, but I do wish I hadn't been so stupid and impulsive and that we had many more memories to go along with them.

Life is a funny thing, as a kid through to my teens I couldn't fathom what life would be without you and now I wade through it and don't have you at my side any more.

I'm sorry.

Love, me.

x

Manic Monday #36

[Source: Pinterest]

 Monday's seem to be on a revolving door, that is spinning around quicker and quicker the closer we get to the end of the year.

How can it possibly be the beginning of November at the end of this week?

This year has passed insanely quickly, I feel like January was just a few weeks ago! Time is slipping away from me at the moment, I want to just slow down and appreciate things, but I feel like if I slow down, everything will fall apart around me and it'll be too late.

Too late for what, I have no answer for that. But it's an unnerving feeling to have. It makes me have a horrible panic-stricken feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about time.

But it's also quite bizarre to me that we are the only animal on the planet to measure time by clocks, dates and calendar years, yet we set so much in store by the measurement of time.

I'm not quite sure what I want to slow down for or why exactly I don't want to slow down.

Damien Rice has some perfect lyrics for my thoughts;

You can wait for ages
Watch your compost turn to coal
Time is contagious
Everybody's getting old

Maybe I should try to stop fretting, sit along for the ride and enjoy the rest of the year?

...it doesn't sound right for me to say that!

How have you enjoyed this year? Do you think it's passed in the blink of an eye?

Toodles!

x

Bonobo

Have you ever reignited your love for a band through a random turn of events?

I was in my favourite, and now I think only, music shop in my town yesterday, browsing the shelves for a completely different band, but me being me forgot what their name was and ended up looking under the wrong letter.

I spotted Bonobo's album collection sitting on the shelf in front of my face, he's an amazing electro/trip-hop musician. I've got a huge collection of his music on iTunes, but spotted an album that I didn't have and impulsively bought it for my car.

I put it in my CD player as soon as I got in the car and First Fires started playing, it's beautiful melodic song with gorgeous vocals.

It made me feel really nostalgic and quite emotional when I was listening to it, I listened to the album through and it's honestly a great pick for this time of year. Utterly in love with Bonobo yet again, thanks to a random turn of events from yesterday.

The lyrics have something about them, they make me feel so happy and sad all at the same time.

Have a listen for yourself, it's definitely worth it. I'm sure the album will be on repeat for a long time in my car.

What are you listening to at the moment?

Toodles!

x

Mini Mascaras...Mini Reviews!

I seem to have accumulated a lot of mascara testers lately, from gift sets, beauty boxes, magazines and the like. 

I've had a good test of all of them and thought it'd be good to give them all a mini review if any of you were thinking of purchasing the ones I have tried and test.

They are all high-end or on the expensive end of high street beauty, so definitely worth an opinion if you're looking to splash out a little more on mascara!

Manic Monday #35

The weeks are flying by, this whole year has disappeared in, what feels like, a blink of an eye! Another Monday is almost over.

I've spent the day travelling back from a whirlwind weekend away with my mad family. We went away to the beach for a few days for my niece, Kymi-Lei's, birthday. It was a lovely break and

While we were away, I kept getting that feeling, the 'do I know you...?'

Considering we were around 3 1/2 hours away from my home-town , the likely-hood of me seeing a handful of people that I recognise from around my town is very, very slim.

It got me thinking about the doppelgänger theory, for those of you who don't know the basic idea is that there is a double - or doppelgänger - for every person in the world, some countries also believe that it is a bad omen or the double is an evil spirit.

I saw a doppelgänger for a lady who works in our local Asda, for someone who I used to work with and more interestingly for both Matthew Lewis, who plays Neville Longbottom in the Harry Potter films and someone who could pass for Tom Hardy, at a very quick glance!

The theory has always been of interest to me, I even once saw someone and thought...'is that me?' Obviously I had this thought quietly to myself...it was to say the least a very, very idiotic moment of self-doubt as I am myself...but do you think the theory has any relevance?

Have you ever come face to face with someone who could pass off as being you?

Or do you believe, like some cultures, that the doppelgänger is a bad omen or in part has evil or bad intentions?

It was a long, sleep-deprived weekend, if you couldn't guess! I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I don't think I'm due to go away again any time soon, so all should be back to normality on the routine front. (She says...) 

Toodles!

x

Letters to Friends - #1

 
Dear Friend,

I hope that you are well and are enjoying your life in new lands.

From the instant we met, we hit it off and have always got along. We seem to be on a wavelength with one another that seems to be a thing I struggle with with the majority of people I come across.You are probably the only person that hasn't ever caused me any annoyance...even though I did to you, just that one time...I'm sure you would remember it. I felt guilty for ages afterwards.

With most 'sayings' in life, there is some meaning behind them. In this case, 'you don't know what you have until it's gone.' But I want to edit it slightly and say that I didn't full appreciate your friendship until you were no longer just around the corner. 

In life, we lull ourselves in to a false sense of security that this won't happen or that day will never come, but more often than not that day will arrive and we see a big change. Life moves on with no regard for how we're doing or how we're handling ourselves in situations. 

I am pleased that you seem to be having a blast and are pleased with the decision you made to make the move. I'm so proud to see you improving your life after leaving everything behind to take this fantastic opportunity.

In some ways I'm slightly jealous, it has always been a dream of mine to up sticks and move elsewhere, maybe that is written in my future, who knows! I'll have to ride the waves and see what opportunities come my way.

Then my selfish side wishes that you had never gone and that you were still around, just a five minute drive away, if I ever needed a chat, a catch-up or just to see you.

It has hit me suddenly and heavily how much I miss you. And how much I took our friendship for granted. During my life, I haven't come across people like all that much...but I'm glad you appeared and for our friendship, even if you are living your life elsewhere. It'll just take a bit more maintenance for now on.

I will make sure to appreciate your home visits.

It's all OK, there will always be Friends...

Toodles!

x

Manic Monday #34

I was quite terrible and failed to blog anything of substance last week, bar Manic Monday...if you do consider them to be coherent to be posts of substance, of course!

I had a bit of an intense week last week, a lot to do with work. The person that I am probably closest to and definitely on a wavelength with, managed to bag a brand new job, which is super exciting for him and I'm so, so pleased that he's progressing further in what he wants to do. However, the typically selfish part of me doesn't want him to leave at all and I will be incredibly sad when it comes time for him to leave. 

I also had a catch-up meeting with the MD, as there were a few things that needed to be discussed and a general catch-up was needed. During the meeting a couple of upcoming changes were mentioned, in one respect has the potential to be very exciting. On the other hand, I wish I hadn't been told in the detail that I was, as I now know certain things which I wish I didn't. To put it simply, I'm having attack of the conscience. 

I am definitely not cut out for cut-throat business ventures. I'm uncertain if this is something that becomes easier, or if this is something that is only instilled in what I call 'business-minded-folks'. 

I think I am going to have to make some decisions, possibly difficult ones, very soon.

I know this is a bit cryptic, but I don't fully know what is happening and a lot of it is speculation and maybe's at the moment.

Monday, disappeared in true Manic Monday fashion.

How was the start to your week?

Have you got any life questions you're asking yourself at the moment? Feel free to share!

I have some posts lined up, so things should be more normal this week.

Toodles!

x

...

Do you ever just have those days where you feel like you have been through every emotion a million times over?

Today is one of those days.

At present I feel like I am wound tight like a spring, in danger of breaking.

I also feel sad, but for other reasons to my spring-tight reference up above. It's mostly for selfish reasons, I'm not going to lie. 

I guess I have the right to feel like this. 

I feel lost.

And I'm not quite sure I have any inkling that I know which direction I should be trying out first.

It's a shame that the person who I want to talk to doesn't seem particularly interested in hearing me.

x

P.s - Sorry for missing yesterdays post, I did mean to schedule something as I had plans. But in true Adele fashion, I forgot.

Manic Monday #33

It is definitely and finally starting to be 'manic' again. That is a welcome fact.

Today disappeared in a breeze, it feels nice to get a decent stride going, I even decided to go for a run in the beautiful setting sun when I got home. I need to get back in to the swing of things exercise-wise.

I, finally, after what seems like forever, hit my personal weight target at Slimming World on Thursday. Needless to say I am absolutely delighted with myself.

Autumn

You have arrived with us and you're slowly stealing the green from the trees. The leaves lay golden, crisp and brown on the floor, stirring in the slight breeze. Sunshine filters, so dreamily through the branches, warming my face slightly still but nothing close as it was before. The wind has a bite, fresh and glancing on the skin, I draw my clothes around me, to fight from letting you in. It's now time for cosy & soft, layers & layers, to keep us warm in the shrinking sun and the long nights. You bring with you the rain, to wash away the dry, dusty remnants of summer; I no longer see people dotted over fields, lovers arm in arm enjoying the midday sun. Instead I see wellies, soggy dogs, scarves & hats to shield away from the coolness you bring. It seems like only a second ago I blinked and summer was here, now you've pushed her out of the way and I'm so glad you're here.

I said goodbye to Summer today, on the most glorious walk. This song came on as I was wondering through the woods, the perfect song to say farewell to summer.

x

Friendship

I sometimes have experiences of this among friends or find that I am the recipient of these actions. The other day Ben was relaying a conversation had by a couple of our friends, they were annoyed that a mutual friend was visiting our friends over in Sweden.

Firstly, I was wondering why they were bothered that she was there, they can go and visit any time they want to, but they never have.

Rivers of London & Moon Over Soho by Ben Aaronovitch

These were 2 books that I took away with me, I'd started Rivers of London previously to see if it'd be my cup of tea enough to take Moon Over Soho as well.

Overall I did enjoy the books, I think Ben Aaronovitch has created some fantastically intreguing characters that I could honestly feel like I wanted to read about time and time again.